My Dearest Etni

~Mental deformities greatly outweighed those which lay visible to the human eye. So as judgmental as one may seem, peer into their own soul, and reap the satisfaction it brings you. This will allow your true ruling, it will tell you what to cast upon their helpless immortal soul. For you are Death, Ayden. Raw and unhindered. Never let your duty slip past you.~

The wretched leathery skin of a woman stood small in front of him. Ayden`s neck craned to eye her as a soft smile passed his lips. Yes he adored this withered gremlin, because for this form, held only miniscule of her true beauty. Her eyes sparkled up at him, the amber there unmistakable after her many forms. A stagnant bog filled the air with a thick waft of moss and toad. This was their home together, and he knew the yells and shouts as he announced his plans.

"You what?"Her tiny voice shrieked, the stretch of her vocal chords cracking in a high pitched manner as her hands clenched tightly in bluish white fists at each respective side.

"I plan to leave" He replied in a soft Irish accent. Ayden tried sweetly to caress her with his words, knowing in this manner, weak and frail, she could not leave the woods she knew well.

"You can`t leave me Ni Ni! I am weak and small..." She protested and she threw her fist outward. The small changeling was trying to show the ugly viscosity her skin had taken in the damp climate. The sun would shrivel her frail pallor, and surely make her ill with sudden waste. Each thought was pressed back as that childhood nickname kissed his drums.

"Baby- I will come back for you. When your bones are strong and your skin pliable. Then we can make a place for ourselves within the walls of that City."

Throwing her weight, the mere sixty pounds that was left, she willed a scream past her throat and pounded her fists into the stomach of her brother, her only kin. Repeatedly she shouted at him, curses filled with Gaelic and hatred. He sensed she was scared, but nothing predatory came this deep into the bog, and the troupe she ran with, filled with the very same children awaiting their chance at life; could help her stow safely until he could return.

"Onions will keep you safe, He loves you almost as much as I. Calm down.." He chided as the blue eye waned over the image that tugged his being.

When you exist for someone, and solely that person. It is hard to leave, even with the promise you will persevere and return for them. Etni was a smart girl and knew very well it would work out, but within the gray matter that deprived her thoughts, she knew somewhere that when he returned she would not be the same. The changeling lifted her hands from his chest, the small calcium deprived structures aching with protest. Even still she lifted them to her face, slowly closing her fingers in to her mouth, past the decayed teeth that set deep in her skull. Her brother watched silently, the scene to manifest before his eyes something that held none a memory to weak at the stomach.
A quick shift and she started to pull and mold her skin, the bones contorting in vivid cracks that ached through her body. Thumbs pushed into the jelly that formed her eyes, placing them higher onto her skull. It was a contorting act in where she could mold her body to the image she wished, but for now, she worked at forcing the bones of her skull into place of the face that suited her.

A muffled cry raped her lips as they slowly tore and gave way. Gaping flesh seemed to peel itself apart as her hands worked meticulously at arranging each puzzle piece as she wished to the next. Without a mirror or pond to peer in, she started to second guess the work. Unable to go back with a half transmuted face she continued, crying out as she forced her jaw into a more broad and lady like position. The last resounding pop forced past her skull, and the pads of her digits washed over the now ivory skin, in hopes of painting it back to a proper place. Etni ended at her lips, tasting of her flesh with a pert pink tongue. She had done it. Hopefully her body would allow this face to stay...

Ayden was quiet. Her image was beautiful until the neck had lend way to the flat ribcage that served as a home to her organs. She still had much way to go on her body, but he could not stay for this part. Kneeling to her level he smiled, eyes full of affection for the brave act she allowed him to see. It was art, as she sculpted her body into a mold of the woman he knew as his sister.

"Thankyou for feeling my pain, Etni." The face clutched him hard, for he had not seen it in years. Unable to hold back, he pulled the creature into a hug. She giggled and he knew his sister had returned, even if the soul was not the same.

Learn Our Story

New Enoch….A home for those searching.

 But I was not.

It was her face that had brought me there, and her kind accepting touch in which lay my head upon a pillow. Despite the touches, the looks and the lust, I believe in my heart, that woman and I were not fated for one another.  Dead City was a thrust of life for me, something I knew I had to do to run away from the fated time line I was so desprately trying to escape. It just so happened that I fit in a bit better than even the most stereotypical being that ran around the dark,  blood stained streets. I had found myself amoung company in which I could barely keep up with. It was like one thousand electro connections synthesizing in my brain, so fast as the people kept coming; smiling abundant faces and kind words. But I suppose in the end, nothing would compare to the woman who stemmed a relationship, just by showing up to see “How “I had settled in”.

I don’t believe I had ever been so excited to see a woman, and although to this day I don’t think I understood what the emotion was, looking back I now understand it was what one considered a crush. I was upon the roof that eve,  partaking in a smoke or something of the sort, when the noise of an able body eminated from the bushes below. People come and go in this day and age, and I knew although I hadn’t made the best of aquaintences with her, she was going to keep coming back. In honesty, her interest surprised me.

My brain does not work, for I know exactly how I make myself function. Because of this, I should not retain memories… But even still if I close my eye, hiding the sapphire from the world, I have the perfect work of art in my head. She wore coal pants and a black shirt that separated down the side to allow the name of her son to show willingly. Ah- A Son. I suppose I did never meet the fellow… Elias was his name, and upon her hands were tattoos that read certain ambiagrams either way.

Thinking about it hard enough, it didn’t take long for us to aquaint one another. A few slips of Absinthe, and we were holding one another for company. It was when we touched that I had realized I had to have her. She did not flinch, and took openly the odd things that spilled from my fingers.  I smile when I still allow this memory to hinder me. I still had red hair then.

It was when New Enoch took it’s downturn, and The Lady of the House surrendered her seat that I had no reason to roam the halls. I had vowed my faithfulness to her, and I still hold that promise close, but when she left, I had nothing within that place, I wasn’t ever a Malkavian. Hell, I am not even a Vampire.

Part of me just wanted to be alone. I had promises to keep and duties to fufill. But her presence beckoned me once more, and I was soon led to Villa Fidei. We saw each other often, but that day she willed me into her home, and her Family, I was finally close to a woman I knew I was falling for. I guess in a sense, I am nothing but human in that aspect. A Dullahan is not a being of love and grace, we have been created for one soul purpose, to kill those who must die, and even those who must not. It is how the world turns. I was foolish to let love slip into my soul. I even forgot about Etni. All of the meaningless nights of love with women that soon died beneath me was mere history, as even these words I speak to you. I now had a place and yet again a purpose, willing to drop everything to win her heart. What happened after I did was a succession of the happiest days of my life. But remember, my life never stops, and eternity can never be truly Blissful. 

Never did I understand that she felt we were born to be with one another. Ayden McCoyy Callister was never born anyhow, just a manifested amount of energy that stole the face of some lucky bastard he envied.  If you want to think of it this way, I am two people. A Dullahan, and a man. I am only human sometimes. And when my blood wills me fourth, the harbringer of Death.

Now I am staring down a deed, and wiping my face of the most threatening ink to ever wash over skin. I don’t think I’ll ever cry, and I feel as though I can never love again. Why she left all of this to me, is of unmentionable proportion. I did not know, and to be left in the wake of such a defiled house is the epitome of a dreaded nightmare. I understand this is my home, and it was her home, her dream, so somehow I’ll allow this to be my soul, and my life…. I didn’t even get to marry her…

Maybe I’’ll have red hair again……

In Meager Measure

I get told constantly, at least once a week, if not more; that I look like someone. Abby Scutio, "That Girl" from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Or someone I've never fucking heard of. I'm really not ranting, because mind you, I don't become bothered being compared to pretty ladies like these...but it occurred to me, why can't people tell others that they look like me? I've been rocking this odd look, mixed among the melting pot of "Alternative styles" for some time, and somehow I still get called "Abby." Yes, I have a Mohawk, Yes, I have blunt Betty bangs, and yes, I have a cornucopia of piercings and tattoos...I would assume, these themselves would separate me, as me...but still I kinda feel down and out at times. Anymore, I just don't care. I hate to appear rude, but I never go and say "Hey- You look like Nathan or Matthew from Madina Lake." Right to their face, even if they really really do. So, Now I think I lied. It turned into a rant.....Damn...

I'm sure that when you think about it, Your family is something you always expect to be there. Since moving out and living on my own, I've realized that I took for granted, seeing my Mother and Sister every day. Don't get me wrong, I adore living on my own, but sometimes I really miss having my girls around. Today I went shopping, which....if you know me, I dearly detest. I agreed because my Momma and Abbers wanted to go. Somehow, I was very excited for this and had an amazing time. Plus...call me Vain- I got the most amazing pair of pants ever that accentuate my ass to the best of it's ability. Anyways, I'm deterring from my original point. I am tired and my mind is shutting down. Hah. I just want to thank my girls for being there, because in the end, even if I don't say it. I love you very much and need you both in my life. Gosh...I sound so gushy.

Goodnight, Sleep ever so sweetly.
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Maybe, Perhaps, I Am A Pessimist.

Maybe I’m a Pessimist…

I’ve been told before, my outlook on human life is lacking. Lacking what, I do not understand. Hope, Trust, Faith…Many of these are possible. But every person in the entirety of Earth, lacks something. So please, spare me in trying to make me think I’m the only one. Honestly, there’s a cornucopia of thoughts and ideas about the sentient race we call Homo Sapiens, in which I detest. But at the end of the day, no one would care what I thought. So when the question arises “Do I care about the Earth Quake and Tsunami in Japan?” I have to answer, Nope…Not a damn bit. But see, I’m not completely cold hearted. When I think of the families, and the animals who are suffering, I do feel a slight twinge of sadness somewhere. But that sadness will never change anything. If I felt the need to follow the masses of people sending relief overseas to the Japanese People, then yes, maybe I could help, and be proud I did something. But just like Haiti, and the starving children in over 1,000 third world countries, I simply have no time, nor care to help.

So ask again, Why am I so hateful? I do not believe that hate is the cause, I just understand that the human race is something I’m not proud to stand behind. Majority of beings are selfish, and so when they want to make themselves feel even a bit better, they decide posting a status to their FaceBook; wishing Japan well wishes in their recovery, somehow makes the slightest difference. Don’t mistake me for tossing everyone into the same stereotype. I have seen people who are true humanitarians, who every day go out and feed the open mouths, teeming with flies, in every hungry country out there. Kudos to you. They go unnoticed by many. But it is truly the people who sit on their couch, raping this Nation’s Government of Welfare, when they are doing even better than I, selling drugs; etc, who call themselves a caring Humanitarian, just so they can make themselves feel better for cheating the system, who I believe, have every right to die along with the millions suffering in Japan, Haiti, and Africa. Talk about a run on sentence, Ne?

Then, those of you who know me, ask why I recognize that I’m just as bad as the rest. I know my flaws, I embrace them, that is who I am. I cannot help that I’d rather stick to the benefit of myself, than helping someone else. When it comes down to it, even the “Holiest” of people, have that sadistic streak.  I’m also just as, if not more frequently judged for my open opinions that animals are far more important than humans. But fuck…I’ll save that explination for another day.

What I’m really trying to get at, is please, stop telling people they’re a bad fucking person for not reposting, reblogging, or even recognizing the natural disaster happening in Japan. Some people just don’t give a shit, and some people (Like myself) feel it’s better for Mother Nature to reclaim some of what she’s lost, and loves so very much. Call me cold, but we need to lower the human population a bit anyhow. This is why we have Cancer, Disease, Car Accidents, and Natural Disasters. If everyone lived to their life’s fulfillment, I’d probably be cramped into a sardine can, sniffing some assholes armpit. (Unwillingly of course.)

I could blab on and on about what I believe, but this is just a spill of thoughts that I had today after being asked why I don’t care about Japan’s Disaster. I’ll leave you with thoughts..Because when we have nothing left but our minds, all there is to do but think…